I'm human after all.

it's been a while since i've written something from my true self.
not some fanciful blog language i often reach for to make up interesting posts.

so here goes.

i feel vulnerable anyway so i spose this won't change much.
so what if people find out the truth.
i bet most people would appreciate people being real, quit fronting and sticking that fake smile on.

look who's talking, as i walk round and the only thing people see in me in a smiling jem. saying hello cheerfully to everyone she sees.
thing is i am genuinely happy and content with my life at present.
only because of God.
but the world has a strange way of making you "just lydat"
after all this supernatural stuff God's been doing thru me, it was only today i looked back at myself and wadaminit...
i'm human after all.
i have feelings to deal with.
i deal with the same shit as everyone else.
the kind of shit that only the world can throw at me.

i don't even knw what i'm tring to say.
i'm overwhelmed by the power of God.
i'm randomed by the world.
does anyone get me?

i've turned to my babyguit so many times lately...
squeezing a tune out with my dried up left hand fingertips.
my voice, raw from all the chocolate i'm eating.
the cough i make "that uses your voice" so that you know i'm coughing.
that was an observation by spikey tom.
i don't do it delibrately, promise.

i'm drained and still going.
almost like i'm looking at my fuel tank in an ACS joke manner.
E means enough.
hah.
i've been sleeping 8 hrs and 11 last night.
it's almost midnight and i was ready to sleep a few hours ago.
i feel like the only thing left for me to do is visit the sea 15min walk away and wish there was actually a sandy beach i could sink my toes into.

like everyone else, there seems to be some sort of revival going on.
people looking for God, people who know God wanting to be closer.
how strange the way our generation seemingly beats as one heart.
i see no thrill in secular music like charms.
i live only for Him like alethiea.

my heart breaks everytime i think of the people going to hell.
must hell really be reality?
the people i know, who smile at me with the same fake smile i give them.
only that they aren't going to heaven.
that slashes your heart right at the centre.
if only they knew is what i keep saying to myself recently.

so there you go, no fancy language pulled out the dictionary or thesauraus...
see i can't even spell that...
proof.

i have nothing left to say.
i love the people who make my life that bit more enjoyable.
you knw exactly who you are.
comon...you do.