i only make jokes to distract myself from the truth

*jem sits still congitating where to start her post*

-5 minutes later-

my heart on a downhill wheelbarrel is what i would call the past few days
friday marked the end of my graphics junket after 2 years of endless analysis of all forms of art and design
it turned out a little less magical than i had imagined
so as a reward, i went out that night
being a little low self-esteem wise, i thought maybe a friday night out would do me good
i tried to look my best without showing off too much skin
very unlike the rest of the girls in town
in one sentence, i spent most of the night alone
dancing alone, drinking alone, sitting alone
the feeling of being absolutely single struck me pretty hard
the first time in a long time
oh yes there WERE people around! only that most of them were getting off with their boyfriends or a random good looking guy or receiving over 50 text messages with single kisses in each one throughout the night
needless to say, i needed a cuddle bursting with love
seeing endless skinny good looking girls all night hardly abetted my attempt at boosting my confidence that night
has the world always been THIS superficial?

somehow a good night's sleep always does justice to the downs in life
a late morning start with 2 msgs on my phone
a shared breakfast in the sunny backgarden with my younger bro
Aim music blasting out the stereo we lugged along extension cord and all
our little picnic consisted of blended pure chocolate with caramel, 6 hashbrowns, scrambled eggs, 1 bacon, 3 sausages
without the help of anyone but ourselves, what an unhealthy but satisfying meal
my brother has become very good company after growing up in UK
when he's in a good mood, he's lovely

then i realise i had work today
a wedding reception meal, i arrive to a desolated hall
blue and cream was the colour scheme
besides the usual rude people every now and then
thank God the time flew by pretty fast
surviving on After Eights and wearing low-heeled black shoes did not make me a happy bunny
my family will know
i suppose the money did comfort my dying feet a little
weddings can be so joyous yet depressing

i come home, feeling very un-appreciated
tossed aside from all my other "friends" at the event in their glamourous attire and wine glasses, me in my white top and black skirt
i watch Joyce Meyer and i realise God has seen what i did
i dont need anyone to thank me

but again i go un-noticed
maybe tommorow will be a better day
i linger in the dream of the day my prince sweeps me off my feet
the day someone commits their life to me (and me alone)
he must be somewhere out there